Step 1
First, let’s start with what we think about what we feel. Often emotions are labeled “good” or “bad.” Bring to mind three emotions that feel comfortable in your body, ones you would put in the “good” category. For me, those would be playful, connected, and loved.
Now, think of three emotions that you would rather not deal with, ones you would put in the “bad” category. These emotions typically feel uncomfortable in your body. For example, mine would be sad, frustrated, and lonely.
Step 4
Go back to the three emotions that you experience as comfortable and categorize as “good,” and three that you experience as uncomfortable and categorize as “bad.” Guess what? Emotions are neither good nor bad; instead, they are a powerful indicator of how you are connecting to the experience of your life in this moment.
Emotions are typically be described in one word. Think about it. Happy, mad, sad, and glad are simple, clear expressions of how people feel about themselves or toward others. But you probably have at least a few words to describe how you feel in any given moment. In fact, you may use only those few words to describe a wide range of experiences. You know, kind of like your favorite songs. You download them, make a playlist, and put them on repeat. Most people do the same with their emotional vocabulary. If you generalize and use only emotions like happy, mad, sad, and glad, you might miss what’s really happening.
One of mine was playful. Three additional ways I could describe playful are flirtatious, joyous, and energetic. Another one of my emotions was frustrated. Some other ways I could describe feelings of frustration would be annoyed, overwhelmed, and upset.
Now it’s your turn. Recall two of those one-word feelings you commonly experience. Then choose three different ways to describe each of them. You can refer to the list above.
See how easy that was! If you pay attention, it will get easier and easier to come up with alternative ways to describe your emotions and expand your emotional vocabulary. In reality, there are dozens upon dozens of emotions. The benefit of clearly articulating them is that it will help you (and others) get clear about what’s actually happening. But if you can’t name what emotions you’re experiencing, it can result in frustration and ultimately a communication breakdown.
When you are ambiguous about what you feel, others fill in the blanks with their own stories about what’s going on for you. Then you make up stories about their stories, which in turn leads to their making more stories . . . and you can see how easily this can get out of hand!
Having a variety of words to better describe your emotional state will allow you to be clearer in your communication and to listen to others in a way that deepens your connection and saves you time.The sooner you expand your emotional vocabulary, the easier time you’ll have navigating both everyday and emotionally charged situations, within yourself and with others.